I stopped taking Fox News seriously the first time I ever saw it. That's not to say that it wasn't the beginning of a life-long love affair with what I consider to be the ultimate expression of ignorance on earth today, it just means that I don't go there to actually learn anything.Its very existence is an insult to the intelligence of most sentient adults, which is why I love it. The only thing better than fake outrage is stupid fake outrage and Fox has mastered that, just as Leonardo da Vinci mastered everything else.
Fox was not yet being broadcast in Canada when I was visiting California during the second Intifada against Israel.
My then-girlfriend, knowing my love of proud stupidity, turned on Fox News as their vapid blonde was explaining that the network was referring to the terror attacks on civilians as "homicide bombings."
I looked at the the screen and then at my girlfriend before asking "What the fuck is that? They're calling these attacks "homicide bombings?"
"It seems like it," the love of my life said.
At that point I exploded into laughter and said that I must immediately petition my cable company to put Fox News on all of my television channels. Stupidity like this is a priceless commodity and must be shared with the world, so that we might all cherish it and pass it on to our children. From that moment, I knew that I would always love Fox News.
You see, English happens to my first language and I have studied international politics and terrorism over the years. As a matter of fact, I still wear the Abu Nidal t-shirt my late father got me when I was a child. And if there's one thing I know as an absolute certainty, it is that all terrorist bombings are homicide bombings. Homicide is sort of the point of such bombings. Otherwise, they would be "making a mess bombings."
Besides demonstrating a discomfort with basic literacy, the "homicide bombing" stance is propaganda that you generally don't find in journalism. It demands that you take a certain side, which the news isn't supposed to do. Sure, it does and everything, but usually in a much more subtle way than Fox.
More recently, they've also closely associated themselves with the Birther nonsense and those Tea Party retards. Christ, they actually organized and promoted Glenn Beck's moronic 9/12 rally. So I get why the Obama White House doesn't want to play nice with them.
Nor is Obama's petulance especially unique. The Bush White House had very little to do with the New York Times or MSNBC in its last few years. Spiro Agnew's "nattering nabobs of negativism" speech and Nixon's enemies list comes to mind, too. Bill Clinton bitched about the press every chance he got.
What makes the Obama offensive special is the public nature of it. Last weekend, his senior staff was on all of the Sunday shows moaning about Fox News. In fact, they talked about Fox more than they did about al-Qaeda.
Not talking to Fox is fine. No president is obligated to talk to the media or make his staff available to them. The assertions of self-important assholes who know how to write a pyramid story aside, the press is not a branch of government. And when they insist on being a proudly dumb as Fox does - and I invite anyone who would challenge my characterization of the network to watch 30 minutes of Fox & Friends - doing so is a massive waste of time.
On the other hand, the president is tackling the issue in a typically stupid way. I have a hard time believing these people got elected to anything, even with the self-destruction of the GOP.
Barack Obama has gotten the most glowing coverage of any politician in my lifetime. Whining about what little negative coverage he gets - almost all of it concentrated on Fox - makes him look like the the thin-skinned prick that he actually is.
It also isn't hurting Fox News any. Having White House personnel go on every other network on earth and talk about Fox might be the best advertising Fox can get. Their latest ratings book reflects that, as did Rush Limbaugh's in the the spring, when he was the White House's bete noir.
People, it turns out, are funny. If they think someone is worthy of the president's attention, they're probably worthy of theirs, too. I would understand this tactic if Obama, Rahm Emanuel or David Axelrod were shareholders in Fox's parent company, News Corp. Otherwise, it's stupid and raises Fox's profile as it diminishes the presidency. Does Barack Obama really want to go down in his history as the president who could only punch below his weight class?
Lastly, if I were Obama, I'd want Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and Glenn Beck saying psychotic things as loudly as possible. Knowing that no Republican has the balls to stand up to any of them when they go over the line, I'd tie the GOP to those statements and voices next year. Barack Obama has to know that he's never going to carry the Tea Party vote, but he can use their extremes to sway moderates and independents.
President Obama is a weird guy. He's the first president since Eisenhower to have no effective opposition whatsoever, so he has to out and invent some. Beating John McCain wasn't enough, so he has to go to war with some half-witted disc jockeys and an army of big-titted blondes who read teleprompters badly for a living.
I'd love to say that this means that Obama could lose to a serious Republican, but there aren't any serious Republicans.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready for Geraldo. He might have an important breaking news update on the Natalie Holloway case!
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